ISSUE 12

Paul Lieber

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Jewish Jew

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I could sense my horns grow

among the gentile boys

at Freedom land,

that short-lived amusement park.

 

Bernard Schwartz changed his name to Tony Curtis.

My father changed his from Lieber

to Lewis. He said he was only Jewish when

it was a problem for others.

 

He spoke Yiddish to my mother when they had secrets.

 

At camp prayers were recited at meals

I moved my lips in terror

it would be discovered

I didn’t speak Hebrew

didn’t know the prayers,

never heard these prayers

 

My counselor wrapped tefillin at 4 in the morning.

His chanting was thunder.

 

When It was my turn to lead prayers.

I ran through the campus, screaming.

The counselor who wrestled me down

whispered, “happens to soldiers all the time.”

 

I was transported back to the Bronx.

 

My second cousin witnessed

his mother, father and sister

shot by Nazis then fall

in a ditch. He joined his family

in the ditch, pretending

to be another corpse.

I witnessed him recalling it,

 

I, recalling tattooed numbers on the arms

of vacationing fathers in the Catskills.

 

No more settlements, please.

 

I had a bar mitzvah and had no idea what I was saying

but sang and swayed to those ancient sounds,

 

My great aunt Jenny was a vaudeville dancer.

She was raped by a rabbi.

 

My neighborhood overflows

with payos, tallit, skull caps and tefillin.

The chosen people

bundle up though it’s 80 degrees.

 

I wore a shiny blue yarmulke when I was eight.

It was my first fashion statement.

 

I went to parties and stole Cokes, Pepsis

and Ginger Ales. Bottles broke when I fell running

out of the shul.

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I wanted to be liked and if being Jewish

got in the way it was a problem.

 

I played rabbis on stage, movies and TV: dead ones,

empathetic ones, dumb ones, smart ones.

I taught Mickey Rooney the haftarah on screen.

 

I was beaten by Nazis on stage.

 

I played a rabbinical student

who thought he was dead.

in Dyan Cannon’s movie.

I think she’s half Jewish.

 

The holocaust strengthened my faith.

The holocaust destroyed my faith.

 

Please stop the genocide in Gaza.

 

I play a circumcised atheist in life.

 

I love challah,

pickled herring, smoked salmon,

bacon and eggs, shrimp and lobster.

I love the prayers

 

of gratefulness for every little thing.

You have to keep repeating them:

Thank God for trees, clouds, the sunset, squirrels, grass, mustard,

flowers, breakfast, bookcases, tuna fish, butter, Arabs, Palestinians,

rye toast, Catholics, Jews and rivers.

 

The Torah says in every human is the universe.

 

On Saturdays the streets are empty around here.

I can easily find a parking spot.

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